how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
