i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
