his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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