Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
