god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize