do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
