Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
vagina is talking i cant
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
