Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
