I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
