Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize