Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(305): View more from Florida

my head looks like a cockatoo

(1-305): View more from Florida

mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is

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(914): View more from New York

How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?

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(337): View more from Louisiana

if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?

(1-337): View more from Louisiana

4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds

(337): View more from Louisiana

mom cant say that college never taught us math

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(970): View more from Colorado

The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.

(352): View more from Florida

I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.

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(310): View more from California

I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.

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(519): View more from Ontario

Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.

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(301): View more from Maryland

you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"

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(303): View more from Colorado

Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.

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