Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize