Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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