The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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