On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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