I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
