I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
