Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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