did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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