But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
