I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
