I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
