Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize