Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
