If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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