What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
