I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize