I accidentally burped into my bong.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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