Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
