I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
