I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
