Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
