I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
