pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize