brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
