Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
