Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
