who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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