Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
