I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
