dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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