he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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