Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
