He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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