What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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