i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
