where does the pee come out of this thing
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
