Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Randomize
