At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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