How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
