i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
