It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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