i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
