"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
