we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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