If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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