I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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