Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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