I wish I could punch you in the face.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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