There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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