my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
