Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
