i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She's the barista slut.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
