having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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