If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
