So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
